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Opening up my mama heart

I have a confession: I’m struggling with this parenting gig.

Most of the time Eli (almost 6) has on a very tough exterior that’s incredibly heard to break into.  On the outside he’s rough and tumble, strong willed and at times, wildly unpredictable.  So far, parenting him has been one of the biggest challenges I’ve faced in life.

I’m pleased to say he’s come a long way in the last two years, but honestly, there are still times when I really just don’t know how I’m going to make it another minute with him.

I fail countless times each day at living a Christ-like example, because I allow him to frustrate me, in turn, I’m not teaching him how to love unconditionally or extend grace to others. The fear of failing to instill in him the immense importance of his need for a Savior is a huge guilt.

I see myself in him, in how he reacts, in how he treats his siblings and I’m ashamed. Ashamed because I’m failing someone I love SO much.

I pray so often that God will lead us both to the other side of this unscathed.

I am learning (and repenting and asking for forgiveness a lot) and so is he, it’s just so much slower than I’d like.

I wonder how many times God looks at us and says something like that “why can’t she just get ____ already?” You know it’s like that, right? He holds our hand; picks us up; dusts us off; disciplines us, if necessary; and then encourages us to do better. In so many ways, in our walk with Christ, we are truly like young children who have to learn the same lesson eleventy bajillion times before it finally clicks.

Do you need some encouragement? Let me know in the comments, I’d love to add you to my prayer list.

 

 
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2 comments to Opening up my mama heart

  • Oh, friend, I SO understand how YOU feel. I have ongoing dialogues with myself about how I’ve dropped the ball and where I’ve failed. The worst is when I already KNOW I’m messing up even as the words are coming out of my mouth, yet somehow I can’t seem to stop them. Isn’t that pathetic? But you know what? I don’t think God is judging you for one moment. He knew exactly what He was doing when He gave you this precious child. He knew you were the right mama for him. Hugs to you. (I could use some encouragement in terms of communication with my wonderful husband– we’re healing in different ways and it’s a challenge to me right now. Thank you!)

  • Well, let’s pray for each other, shall we? My boys are now 12 and 10 and I learned a long time ago that I can only control myself – not my kids. Tough at times. I will pray for you! :)

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